January 10, 2011
It has been a while since I have written, and, to be honest, I still was not ready tonight. But I believe God wanted me to send something I wrote last week. Since I wrote the words below, we have continued to get more discouraging news from Glory’s doctors. Her pulmonary artery has not grown enough for her to have her next surgery yet, and her left lung is still threatening to collapse when she gets upset. She is back on the ventilator, but they are planning on taking her off on Wednesday since it really does not appear to be helping her collapsing lung. Please pray for her on Wednesday, since there will not be much more that the doctors can do if she cannot hold her oxygen levels up while breathing on her own. If she can, then the doctors will re-visit the options for her heart and esophagus. Please also pray for Philip, as he had kidney stone surgery last week and is still recovering. It has been a very hard couple of weeks for me hearing the news from Glory’s doctors, but a friend commented on my recent Facebook post tonight, saying, “Speak life and continue to speak life…You are not defeated today.” Thank you, Carla, for your encouraging words that gave me the strength just to send this message…
…Around this time, our thoughts seem to be on what we are going to accomplish in the new year. Honestly, sometime, I can't bear to think beyond tomorrow. If I think too much about the future, the uncertainty most often brings tears. So, today, I cried.
There are about ten wrapped Christmas presents under a sparsely decorated tree in my living room here in Little Rock. It's January 2nd, so the tree should already be packed away. All presents should already be opened. But these gifts just sit here, almost as if they are waiting on the same thing I am. Almost as if they are crying with me...
I would never trade this new-found freedom in Christ for anything, but He never promised this world would be without sadness. He did promise to always be with me, and tonight I pray that He be close. I have been closer to death in the past year than I ever would have chosen, but I am beginning to see what Christ meant when He taught on how we should not value our lives.
Glory has been doing fairly well in the last few weeks. She is still off of the ventilator, although she is still on a high flow of oxygen through nasal canulas. Her left lung is still weak, and will hopefully strengthen as she grows. She is still being fed through her feeding tube, and she is a little chunk!! Her esophageal fistula is still working great, and the plan is still to surgically connect the gap at 2 or 3 years of age. We still do not know if her last heart surgery is accomplishing what the doctors wanted it to. The hope is that the additional blood that was shunted to her left pulmonary artery in the last surgery will cause the artery to grow. If it does not grow, she will not be able to have the surgeries that she needs for a hypo plastic left heart. A more immediate concern is that Glory has been running fever the past day or two, and we just found that she has developed an infection from an IV-type of line that runs close to her heart. This could be very serious but we are hoping that the strong antibiotics that she is on will take care of the infection.
I love this Glory Girl...she is sweet with an attitude:). I struggle some days to find the good in my world right now, but I don't have to look much further than her precious eyes underneath batting eyelashes or her serious, puckering lips.
Our lives are but a breath. Glory did not get to open her presents under the tree this past year, and I do not know what 2011 will bring. Sue-Sue told me one time that Daniel had told her that he was sure that he was going to waste his life on something, so he wanted to waste it on Christ. I hope I get to waste 2011 being Glory Girl's voice of thanksgiving to you...in my heart she is as much yours as she is ours...
We hope you have a blessed 2011...
Love,
Kerry, Philip, Eliana, Glory, and Shari